Friday, November 27, 2009

Black Friday




A bird sits in
the palm of
my hand,
collecting an energy,
its hollow bones a
precious persuasion
to turn
out,
and not
in

And I was going to
pen a plea
about the collective
hunger of countries,
from Appalachia
to somewhere other
in Africa,
on this black
market day
of fast-food,
faster-mouthed,
cowboy
consumption

But that
faithless bird
collected itself
right into nothingness,
fooled by a
false clarity
of clouds on panes,
and my eyes
recede
(I let them leave),
rolling to
seek the
smudge of truth
at the back
of my id

So here I am again,
masturbating
with the ink
of my words
on an organ of rain,
feeling for
the perfect exposition
to rub resolutions
that can wring
from Freud
a nod of epiphany,
as he strokes
the leather
and beard

But there are
few arrivals
among the fallen,
only more pains,
more windows,
more flights
and departures
to get lost in
and hungry,
if also
and blessedly
corralled and
dazzled,
fucked and
humbled

And certainty is
a black and white
straitjacket
I’d love to try on,
buy
and burrow in,
hibernating
all winter long
in a reflectionless
room
that plays
our song,
over and over
and over
again

Instead,
I’ll sing something
brokenly,
like a small child
afraid of an
echo's betrayal,
my tune changing
on a dime
or your quicker nickel,
wheels spinning for
the weightlessness
of air
in that doubtful country
between take-off and
landing

Until my bones are
hollowed of
all their finite ego,

this cheap longing


15 comments:

David Cranmer said...

The whole piece is starkly poignant but "recede
(I let them leave)" and "on an organ of rain" seared my brain.

the walking man said...

I find this short line style to be very different from your usual Sarah. I like it quite a lot. Each line a sharp spear targeted to pin me to a different portion of the larger target.

I will never allow myself to humbled or fucked by desire again, not even a self purchased straight jacket can contain us.

And remember Freud had his own issues. Love this and the one who wrote it.

Catvibe said...

Sarah, this is quite honestly one of the most perfect poems I've read in a long time. I decided to come out of the blogging woodwork for a minute to tell you that. And I'm with David, the organ of rain just floored me.

Desire fucking sucks, you know? There is nothing that isn't an echo in a room full of desire. It's all smoke and mirrors and laughing clowns in a house of pain.

Karen said...

This speaks to me of the writer's plight -- the changeableness, the self-absorption, the self-stroking that for all our hopes of writing something that would be profound, lead only to the following:

"few arrivals
among the fallen,
only more pains,
more windows,
more flights
and departures
to get lost in".

The bird in the hand image is perfect and an excellent ending for this.

joaquin carvel said...

like karen said, this is often the writers plight - and anyone, really, who wants to hold up a mirror - which one can hardly do unless one is willing to take a long look at themselves. and that's when things (for me, anyway) seem to get all sticky.

but that's why i love "I’ll sing something
brokenly,
like a small child" - to push past whatever it is i'm being sold, to long for what can't be bought. i think desire is the key; it's just breaking it open to find what it is that's really worth desiring. if that makes any sense.

Aniket said...

I am a sinner. I cherish all seven of 'em.
And quite honestly they are the high-points of my life. I think its okay at times to just give in to the desires and let it happen. Getting fucked ain't that bad.

I loved the side you showed here. You're choice of words always blows my mind. You pick which most cant or dare not use and still create something magnificent.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

We sit with an idea, we ponder...then surprisingly it becomes something wholely different. It is, as if, we get betrayed by our own poem!

This ranks as one of my top 5 Murmurs favorites.

You seduce us with conversational cadence, then turn with a sharp brilliance in the final line.

Superb, honestly.

Sarah Hina said...

David, I'm glad those lines spoke to you. Thanks a lot, my friend.


Mark, thank you for that. Your words warmed me. This one did feel different, and more truthful to the moment.

I kind of thought you might appreciate it. It's something I admire greatly about your writing--its honesty and clear perception.


Cat, I'm glad I got you to emerge from the blogging hole! Thank you so much for your kindness here, and well, everywhere else. :)

Desire is both great and foolish. I can't knock it too much. Then again, when I look at your headless buddhas, I realize the benefits of an ego-less existence. Where the moment is everything.


Karen, you definitely read my thoughts here. I really had intended to write about something outside of myself, and then I became mired in my own mind and heart. As I am wont to do. ;)

Somehow, in spite of so much seeming futility, I'm glad that we're both still writing, and searching for arrivals that may never come. When I read your work, I know I'm the better for it.


Joaquin, you always make sense. And sticky is the perfect word for it. In fact, I felt a little icky (couldn't resist) posting this. Because I'm pretty much owning my own self-indulgence.

But you're right about separating those threads of desire, and following the lines that open our hearts. I do believe in that.


Aniket, I do think it's important to embrace all that life has to offer. I don't like the emphasis of regrets in life. All your sins (and I'd like a list, please) are shaping you into the person you will become. Just don't burn yourself too badly. ;)

Thank you for embracing this poem, too. It was somewhat of a departure for me, eh? :)


Kaye, yes--I was betrayed! Or I did the betraying. Either way, it started out as one thing, and metamorphosized into a big, fat cockroach somewhere along the line. ;)

Thank you so much for your words here, Kaye. Really. Your good opinion is gold to me. :)

Aniket said...

I can tell you all my dark secrets, but then I'll have to kill you. Mwuhahahahhaha!!!

Sarah Hina said...

Geesh, Aniket, you weren't kidding about all that sinning. ;)

I know! How about listing them as a meme? :P

Aniket said...

Since am in a generous mood, here goes ---

Pride: I keep pride over everything else. Hurt my pride and I shall never forgive you!

Greed: I have an undying greed for fame.

Gluttony: I could kill for good food. I live to eat.

Envy: So many things - your writing skills for startes...

Wrath: Snatch a donut off my hands and you'll know. Seen 'the wrath of Khan'... its not even close. Never make me angry. You wont like me when am angry.

Did I leave any? Oh yes, Lust.

Catherine Zeta Jones, Barbara Eden, Jeon Ji Hyun, Alina Vacariu... need I say more??

Sloth: I whine and whine about how sorry my life is. I'll die single!


If ever our paths cross Sarah Hina - Remember this and remember this well, deep down inside you are good and deep down inside I am not! *sinister laugh, clattering claws and then evil grin with an eye twitch*

Sarah Hina said...

You had me until Barbara Eden.

Anyone who lusts after Barbara Eden can't be all bad. ;)

In fact, you sound downright human to me. Sorry, Aniket. That said, I may have to make you mad someday, just to hear you yell:

"SAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"


:P

Aniket said...

Human???

That's the worst thing anyone has ever said to me.

Elf, Vulcan, Klingon, Farenghii, Troll, Trollocs,Myraddars, Draghkars, Urukhines,Ents, Dragon Reborn... anything would have done...

Humans are just pathetic...

PF: when I yell, even Fred Flintstone takes a bow!

Aniket said...

Woops... that's PS and not Provident Fund (PF, which I am transferring due to job change :P)

Sarah Hina said...

See?? I was just trying to piss you off. ;)

We are a pathetic bunch, ain't we. Except when we're magnificent.