(Letters is my series exploring a war-
time relationship across the miles.
Find the beginning here.)
Note: This letter was delivered
the day after Patrick sent
the previous one.
I am overcome. Relieved. Hannah wrote, and told me of your recovery. Thank her for me. She's hurting right now.
I wish I could tell you exactly how I'm feeling. I've been trying so hard for the last couple days. But like the snake devouring its tail, my words keep eating themselves.
Hannah mentioned the poem. Let me wrap you in its words. This is what I want to say.
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
You know it's true, Patrick. Whatever else I'm feeling, whatever my fears and worries, I have always been constant. Which is no great feat on my part. I am simply in love. And you are my ever-fixed mark. The sun to my moon. The root of my bud. The far and near.
Get well, darling. That's all. Everything else can be untangled. Whatever it takes. I see you wrinkling your brow at me as you read this. No, I'm not that naive. Not anymore. Love is not blind . . . I recognize that. But it can be our eyes. I will choose how I see through its bright, eternal prism. Because I know that my heart is carried within yours. To doubt that is to already dissect it away.
I have doubted too much in my life. Surrendered to the solitary swells, instead of chasing the long wave. I don't want to do that anymore.
My arms will be open for as long as it takes you to swim in them again.
p.s. There is a meteor shower tonight! They look like stars to me.
Part Thirteen is here
Part Thirteen is here