Friday, April 9, 2010

Deep


Pulled.

16 comments:

the walking man said...

Well done Sarah. The writing is tight and the ending develops some tenseness fro what ever comes next.

I think you pretty much hit on the attitude most men would have for burying the cat. Not totally unsympathetic to his kids feelings but certainly no where ready to tell him the old 9 lives thing like his wife.

I kept thinking though through the first couple of paragraphs...if that was me, I'd have stated off with a pick if the ground was till hard.

Now the box...odd that it would have combination tumblers instead of a lock and hasp because Colin is going to have to file the hinges (if they are not hidden) or burn his way in. OR get real lucky and hit the right combination after he oils the hell out of the lock.

Sarah Hina said...

Mark, now see? Here's the kind of realistic, practical insight I need to paint the scene well. Thank you for those comments, especially.

I chose a combination lock because I wanted to have a build-up in the next part, with his rolling through the different numbers. And I'm pleased with how it turned out. But you're right--the thing would need a major oiling. I'll have to put that in.

I really appreciate your taking the time to tell me what worked for you, and what gave you pause. You made me glad I shared this, Mark.

Charles Gramlich said...

I like that. Very nice. Your writing sings poetically as always.

Rick said...

If you don't mind a different perspective than the practicalities involved, Sarah, what I most admire about this piece is the way that you not only engaged all five senses, but also the inner man. Well done.

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Aniket said...

I agree with Rick about the part that the lines appeal to all the senses... I was too engrossed to pay attention to the practical details. :)

Feel sorry for Marbles. :(
Will we get a sneak peak on the 2nd chapter... and the third?

rebecca said...

You have true talent. For me, as a reader, if it does not engage me in the first few paragraphs, I will not read it. Your introduction was sterling.

Makes me want to go and quite seriously edit my current WIP. I certainly learned something here.

I can see this being published....

Karen said...

I've been back to read this a couple of times, and I must say that I was so engaged both times that I forget to be a "critical friend." So, just let me be a friend and say that I was hooked from the beginning.

On the critical side, I think Mark has a good point about the lock on the box. :-)

Tahereh said...

wow. this was awesome. you are a powerful writer!

Sarah Hina said...

Thank you, everyone, for your kind and wonderful comments. They mean so much to me.

I'm taking a break from blogging for a bit to focus on the novel. I keep saying I'll do that, and then something pulls me back. But I mean it this time. Really and truly. I mean, I think...

:)

Aniket said...

10 bucks says she'll be back to blogging by next month. Anyone? Anyone?

Karen said...

Haven't even seen her on facebook, Aniket. Do you think she means it?

Aniket said...

Well she did make a small appearance on FB, told she is doing a lot of writing. So I guess we'll have to sacrifice on the blogposts, and we'll get to read another novel. Its not too bad an investment. As long as I'm getting a signed copy of that one too, I'm ok. :)

Word Verification: forarun
Guess, She really is for a run!

Sarah Hina said...

I'm here! I'm here!

Thanks for making me feel missed, guys. :) And Aniket--you have my word that you'll be getting signed copies of every book I ever write, from now until the day I...stop getting published because I suck too much. ;)

I miss you all! But gotta keep running (for a little longer).

Jennifer said...

Sarah, how did I miss this?? Well, there is the whole being horrible about visiting blogs lately thing, but still.

This is really well done. The language is all Sarah--which means lovely. Lines like "Spring's thaw was slow in releasing winter" are so beautiful and so you. You're amazing at description--I envy you your ability to say things in beautiful, accurate and original ways.

But also you've set up the tension between Colin and Danielle so well--we totally understand the kind of woman she is, or at least the kind of woman he has come to perceive her as, in a short space. That is talent, my friend!

I am, of course, anxious to read more. And also looking forward to the other Big Event, because for that you will not have to rely on me to do anything--the pre-ordered book will just magically appear one day! :)

Hope all is well and the novel is coming along. Take care!

Sarah Hina said...

Jennifer! I'm sorry for being so slow to respond (um, by email, too)--I've stopped checking the blog since I stopped, well, blogging. So I didn't notice your wonderful comment waiting for me here. :)

I particularly like what you said about knowing what kind of woman Danielle is, or at least the kind of woman Colin perceives her as. That's an important distinction, and I hope to build on it throughout the book.

Your comments are always so encouraging and affirming. I really appreciate the boost they give me. :) As far as the Big Event goes...I should be doing more to prepare for it (in terms of marketing/promotion). The new novel is actually going well, so I don't want to stop to focus on the old one. But I know that's a lame complaint to have.

Thanks so much, Jennifer!!