Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Sea Legs

She thought she was sick. 
She was sick. 
Or maybe not.
Maybe, maybe not. 
Lord, what a bore she’d become. 

The symptoms were holes around a moving target. Did thinking about fatigue make one tired? Was the bloating as bad as she thought or a natural phenomenon magnified by the distorted lens of her perception? That bit of queasiness: it didn’t qualify as nausea. No. A few pounds lost--thanks, stress! The irregular periods, the disturbing dreams and emotional instability? Fuck you, stress.  
They’d found something in her blood work. Finally--a something. The doctor gave her some medicine, a cure. 
“That should put your mind at ease.”
She’d laughed apologetically. “I’m such a head case.”  
Why apologetically?  
Leaving the doctor’s office, Woody Allen’s character in Hannah and Her Sisters dogged her thoughts. Woody, the quintessentially neurotic hypochondriac. God, what a joke. 

Her steps slowed near the car. Of course, they’d found something in Woody, too, hadn’t they? It had turned out to be a nothing much, but it was enough of a something to vindicate the second look. 
So why did she feel so goddamn ashamed? So queasy with self-loathing?  
Why, coming home again, was she still dissatisfied? 
She set the prescription bottle on the counter, grabbed her laptop and started another Google search. A spider dangled from the painting of crocuses she’d started two months ago, swaying a little in the breeze. When it touched the floor, the dog licked it up and spat it back out. It scurried off. 
She wondered if she wasn’t crazy and looked out the window. 
Lord, it was spring. 


Anonymous said...

She should not feel ashamed or full of self-loathing. She should be admired for trusting her gut and asking questions of herself, the internet, and her doctors until she had an answer.

It is spring. She is not crazy.

She is sprung.

David Cranmer said...

Superbly said, Sarah.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Jeez, I've been agreeing with Jazz a lot these days. 2012, doom-time. :)

We live in the age of Dr. House and The Doctor. Nothing is crazy.

SHE isn't crazy.

Everyone has such phases. I did too, when I hit my head with nun-chucks. (With my own hands, yes)

As long as the prescriptions work and she feels alright, it's all good. The community is going through a tough time as it is.

Sending my patronus to look after her. ;)

the walking man said...

This captured me and held me.

God knows I got enough stuff going on without fantasizing hypochondria. The one thing I do know is that I have come to loathe all doctors as a finger on the fist of the medical industry.

Anonymous said...

They got it now with FAMAK- CHO- RENE COLATO.