Dick and Silent Jack

Dear Neighbor Human,

Hi!

We see you looking at us when walking by with the curious sack of dog waste in your hand. It's okay! Stare all you like! Really!

We know your kind.

You probably live just to scrape our tender flesh into great orgies of sugary pastry that slide sickeningly down your monstrous gullet. You might have enjoyed smashing our forefathers before us as a mischievous "prank" to give you the "shits and giggles." Oh, yes, my fairweather friend! I detect the sick glow of past pleasures in those non-triangular orbs.

WELL, THERE IS SEED ON YOUR HANDS!

Do you think we asked for this cruel fate? NO! Do you think our kind is born to suffer the ignominy of rot and decay (and putrescence, let's not forget putrescence), for YOUR entertainment? NO! Are we a PLAYTHING to you?! Well, HA HA HA! LOL! ROTFL! ;) :-)

Alas. It is difficult for Jack to laugh. As you might have noted, his face has quite caved in.

November was DICKENSIAN. :(

We are a proud fruit (NOT a vegetable...are you hearing me, friend? those guys are PUSSIES!). Our time is meant to be short, but illuminating. If I may quote from my favorite poet, Edna St. Vin...something or other:

My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends-
It gives a lovely light!

*SYMBOLISM*

So this is what you're going to do. You're going to unpack all those years of seed-lust you've stowed away inside of you, and put us out of our misery. There is a hill out back. One heave is all it will take. The Great Pumpkin In The Sky demands it of you. C'mon already!!!

Good Neighbor Human, we've had the cruel trick.

Now throw us a treat.


Cordially Signed,

Dick
and
Silent Jack

p.s. The foolish Rottweiler that always barks at your canine transcribed. Pardon the pee.