Saturday, June 5, 2010

TJ (Deleted)



Pulled for Submission

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Painting by Jose Freitas Cruz.

15 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

Lovely writing. You have such a talent with prose.

bard said...

Lovely writing, indeed. What happens next?

Rick said...

This has the feel of a more elegant "African Queen." You have my interest, Sarah!

catvibe said...

Gorgeous prose! What I loved about this is that the romance is in the story NOT told by this vignette. It's not about the two sitting there drinking tea, it's about the pilot and the musician. I'm dying to know more about them now. And the small woman yelling. Perhaps her mother? And the drama that must have ensued to make the pilot drop her ashes in this most inappropriate way. Loved this Sarah. I can see the most amazing novel in the story you didn't tell in this vignette.

catvibe said...

Funny because I'm midway through watching Out of Africa again, and this has an air of that. You and Itzhak, twins.

Jennifer said...

All I could think about after finishing this, seriously, honestly, not kidding at all, is that you shouldn't be giving this away for free. I should have had to pay my subscription to the Missouri Review or Agni or VQR to read this.

Sarah Hina said...

Charles, greatly appreciated. Thank you.


Bard, in my mind, they go into the jungle and make love until they're too swollen with mosquito bites to keep at it. ;) But I left it ambiguous for a reason.

Thanks for reading!


Rick, I love that comparison! Thank you so much!


Cat, I left a lot of mystery here for the reader to fill in, but what I really wanted to get across was the absolute urgency to live. How the fear they experienced, and the ashes' reminder of death, jolted them into realizing that they needed to go deeper and take more risks, not fewer. Everyone needs to step into that jungle sometime. To have a partner while doing it is...well. Everything.

THANK YOU. I'm so happy this captivated you. Your comments made my day. :)


Jennifer, you made my day, too. I feel truly blessed and humbled to have the readers I do. You guys make it all worthwhile. Thank you so, so much.

joaquin carvel said...

here is something your writing has taught me about short fiction.

the difference between a good vignette and a great one is that you have no idea if a great one is an exerpt from a longer work. it might not be, because it completely stands alone. but you hope it is, because you want to read more.

it runs through a lot of your work, but this piece brought it into focus for me.

honestly, it read like you were channeling gabo marquez for a few delirious moments. amazing.

Sarah Hina said...

Joaquin, this is one of my favorite things anyone's ever said about my work. Thank you for it, truly.

There are times when we have to scratch around for inspiration. But I felt like this scene came to be both fully formed...yet not. I had the feel for it, if not the particulars. So I'm going to hold onto it, and see what comes.

(Marquez? Really? I can die happy now. Or happier, at any rate. :))

Richard Levangie said...

Brilliant, Sarah. You leave me breathless.

Sarah Hina said...

Richard, thank you. Breathless works for me. :)

Naquillity said...

this is a captivating story from beginning to end. you write so incredibly well. have a great weekend.

Sarah Hina said...

Naquillity, a beautiful thing to say. I am so grateful for your stopping by here.

Thank you, and have a wonderful weekend, too. :)

Aniket said...

In one of my previous comments today, I've asked you to wait a decade for me to catch up to you. Make that three now, will ya?

Sarah Hina said...

See my other comment. ;)