Friday, March 6, 2009

5-7-5



Would you believe me
if I told you that this sand
still longs to be waves?

(Screw tyrant haiku,
I have so much more to say
of desert sand, those—)

((Drowning or drifting,
drowning or drifting, drowning
or drifting, drowning))

(((My head bobs above,
body hangs buried below,
could this be standing?)))

((((The cave of swimmers
hides somewhere in Sahara,
let me look to them))))

17 comments:

Erin said...

I just now stumbled across your blog and look forward to reading more.

Karen said...

Always the unexpected from you, Sarah! I love the "dissing" of form, the increasing use of parentheses, and the words themselves, all unexpected. The cave of swimmers in the Sahara -- really nice.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Very parenthetical!!! Creative poem goes perfectly with picture. Good show, Sarah! I love the snub to Haiku! Not that I don't like Haiku...I just think it is funny. (your snub, not Haiku) Have I made myself perfectly unclear? good... ;)

Sarah Hina said...

Erin, I'm glad you want to stick around, in spite of this crazy poem. Thank you so much for coming by (and a fellow Ohioan to boot!). :)

Karen, I really wanted to overthrow form here, but found myself following along instead. And getting buried somewhere along the way. Thank you for finding something to like in these confused waves. :)

K, your response is perfectly suited to the poem. :) Loved that!

I like haikus, too. To be honest, I couldn't articulate what this poem is about if I had to. But I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the desire for momentum on a perfectly still day.

David Cranmer said...

"...sand
still longs to be waves" is wonderful prose.

Aine said...

Fun! I love bobbing along.
No wonder the sand longs to be waves....

I like the dichotomies here-- movement while standing, waves in a desert. Sounds like pleasant indecision.

Sarah Hina said...

David, thank you. This sand sure looked that way to me.

Aine, definitely a lot of dichotomies. I'm going to chalk this one up as a self-indulgent ode to a state of confusion.

Thank you for bobbing along! :)

Aniket said...

Oh yes, I believe...I believe. :-D

Loved the title.... 5-7-5. :P

the walking man said...

Drowning in the sand
A vulture is posing above
Neither can swallow




I like the challenge of Haiku, always have. I like the images it presents and the images you presented here in this anti-structure structure Sarah.

Could this be standing? Great picture after choosing to drown, the narrator wonders why they aren't and instead continues looking for the safe zone of the relatively drown free zone.

Apollinaire's Tattoo said...

love-able humor
parentheses abound
comments hilarious
in the sand and waves

Catvibe said...

Sarah stands on sand
Finding a shifting wave there
She surfs to the end

Love it. Really love what you did with the parenthesis, and the drowning drifting stanza was brilliant.

Charles Gramlich said...

that first piece captures perfectly an element of the sand that is sculpted that way. How wonderful, and not a thought I would have had without your prompt.

jason evans said...

It feels like sinking. Beneath the frozen waves.

Or wishing more than anything to sink and become weightless. To dance in the currents.

Sarah Hina said...

Aniket, thanks! I'll keep believing in sand and waves, and the physical and metaphysical distance between them. :)

Walking Man, that's a very apt description. A kind of no man's land, maybe. Just like the conflict between form and the desired rejection of form.

Thank you, as always, for your very astute reading. And yeah, haikus are a beautiful reach toward a divine simplicity.

Apollinaire's Tattoo, and thank you for your own poetic tumbling. :)

Cat, ah, thank you, my friend. That's a haiku I can ride til morning. :)

I know you're my sister-in-syllables, so it means a lot to me that you liked this one. I was (as usual) second-guessing myself for putting it out there.

Charles, I had to really zoom in on this sand, as I took the photo from quite a distance. But I loved the natural undulations and the mimicry of the ocean in this little sandbar off our local river. :)

Jason, since this is very much a poem of contradictions, I'll say both. ;) Or maybe it's being trapped right on the surface and feeling bewildered about which way to go.

But waves don't freeze, so I better keep swimming.

Bob said...

Excellent! I love it.

Vesper said...

Wonderful! Love it!

Greener Bangalore said...

Yours a wonderful blog and loved all poems and those awesome snaps......Thanks for sharing and will be visiting often hereafter..great job Sara...