Thursday, March 26, 2009

Stacks



“There’s a new moon tonight,” the mother said.

“It's just all black.”

“It’s still there, honey. Circling somewhere. Waiting to grow again.”

The daughter picked a piece of dead skin from her lip.

“I know,” she said. “I-I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know. I thought saying it might help. There’s this weight on my chest. I can’t break free. I keep trying, but—” She struggled for breath. “It just sits back down.”

“Push it away.”

“I don’t know how.”

The mother took her daughter’s shoulders, searching for her eyes. “Yes, you do.”

“No. It won’t leave. Trying and failing makes me feel worse.”

“What’s your answer, then?”

The daughter choked on her teeth, hair slipping over her eyes.

The mother sat back. Listening to the pulse of the night.

“Come with me,” she said.

“Where?”

“Anywhere.”

The daughter's cheek twitched. “What do you mean?”

“I mean we’ll drive until we find a place where the moon is always full.”

“Mom.”

“All right. Then until the weight is gone.” She placed her palm over her daughter’s heart, feeling its shredded beat. “And if that doesn’t work, we’ll come up with something else.”

The tears came, but the daughter didn’t hide behind her hair. Instead, she found the clear, blue moons of her mother's eyes.

“Okay,” she whispered.

“Okay.”

---

This vignette was inspired by Bon Iver's song, re: Stacks.

--This is not the sound of a new man
or crispy realization
It's the sound of the unlocking
and the lift away
Your love will be
safe with me


27 comments:

the walking man said...

It was only in my mothers eyes that the moon was always full, I traveled away to find that no where else was it so.

May your own children find it so Sarah.

Vesper said...

This went straight to my heart, Sarah, at the best possible of moments. What a beautiful thing to say and to know, "Your love will be
safe with me"...

Jennifer said...

"Instead, she found the clear, blue moons of her mother's eyes."

That's it, Sarah. As mothers, we can't always fix it, can't find a place where the moon is always full, maybe even can't make the weight go away, but we can always be there with love in our eyes willing to walk with them. Anywhere.

And now, Ms. Sarah Hina, my green moons are no longer dry. :)

Catvibe said...

Sarah, this reminded me of breaking up with my first boyfriend and how compassionate my mother was with me when that happened. It took me right back there. It is a new moon tonight isn't it?

Mother's love is a precious and full moon helping of heart love. Thank you for your delicate satin touch Sarah dear.

Charles Gramlich said...

There's a mother who loves.

Aniket said...

That was so beautiful Sarah! It shows how much you love your children and how much you love being a mother.

I am going to visit my family in April end... I'll read this one to Mom. ;-)

Sarah Hina said...

Walking Man, that's my greatest wish as a parent. I'm glad your mother made it so.

Vesper, yes, I love that line of the lyrics. :) I'm very happy that this piece found you at the right time (and I very much hope your daughter completely recovers soon).

Jennifer, you've said it exactly. The constancy and selflessness of a parent's love. Although I never had a moment quite like this with my own mom, I definitely felt that she would give as much as I needed, even if she wasn't always sure what that was.

And I'm very glad to know your eyes are green (watch out, pretty soon I'll be bugging you to follow in Aine's footsteps with the photos!). :)

Cat, I do think there's a new moon tonight! I didn't even realize until you said so.

You're very welcome for this vignette. I was hoping it would be as subtly powerful as that song. Yes, just like satin. :)

Charles, indeed.

Aniket, I hope you do! And I bet you're a great son. :)

Yes, I do love my children, and I love being a mother (on most days ;)). But this is very much an idealistic vision of a mother's love. Though I do think it's reflective of reality, too, when our children are most in need.

jason evans said...

When I try to reach into this character's pain, I feel the potent presence of time. What's hard to determine is whether it is friend or foe. Time can heal as the immediacy of pain diminishes. But time can also grind us, especially when we're waiting and waiting for that dearest wish to happen.

I think I feel both faces of time here.

A moving vignette.

Catvibe said...

...

Cold hearted orb
That rules the night
Removes the colours
From our sight
Red is gray and
Yellow white
But we decide
Which is right
And
Which is an Illusion

(From the Moody Blues, Nights in White Satin)

Jennifer said...

Sarah, I wondered if you'd had such a moment.

Tell me again when your novel comes out?? Is there anything we can do to speed it up? And by the way, I know that it's going to be pretty cool for you, but do you have any idea how totally awesome it's going to be for the rest of us???

You can't pressure me about the picture!! I just put up the writing. :) Plus, I think I am too afraid-not of you guys, but of some crazy anon person. Well, that, and that Aniket would do a limerick. ;)

Sarah Hina said...

Jason, I can see that duality. Pain can be acute and short-term, perhaps like that dark moon, but more chronic and inescapable, too. But those endless cycles can also birth the greatest beauty.

At least the daughter doesn't feel alone. And that is the greatest solace.

Cat, great lyrics! :)

And I do think we make the choice. Sometimes, it takes another's strength to show us that there is one.

Jennifer, I hadn't experienced this, no. But I've certainly been lucky enough to be around some very giving people in my life. Including Mom! :)

Good question on the novel's release...but I actually don't know! It's supposed to be out early next year, but that's as much as they've told me. Thank you so much for your enthusiasm, though!! I will be so psyched to share that moment with you, and all my friends here. I'm going to break out the par-tay tunes...and buy that pair of shoes you posted awhile back. :P

No pressure on a photo! ;) Aniket wields a wicked pen, indeed. And I fear I just gave him a new cause. (in which case, I will have to pen my own self-flagellating limerick to atone ;))

Aine said...

Such perfect timing. This merges beautifully with my thoughts about how I'm going to respond to Jason's post.

Your character is a more eloquent version of my mom. She would have spoken in more direct, down-to-earth terms. But, she has spoken this message many times to me and my sisters. (Though I daresay my sisters required it more than I. ;))

"Your love will be safe with me" was the greatest gift I've ever received.

Thank you for transforming that reality into a work of art.

Aniket said...

4 hrs.. for 4 hrs I went away from checking my mails and visit an old friend and this is what you talk behind my back? Am just a sweet and innocent kid (a series of winks):-)

And 'Wicked Pen'?? Its been a while now that I wielded a pen... though a shiny DELL XPS proudly sits on my laps. :-)

Jennifer, you should not worry about me... what have I ever done to piss you off? Okay, on second thoughts, don't answer that question. lolz!

And Sarah... next year... NEXT Year??? You said it was going to be released this summer right? What sadistic pleasure do you get in teasing us? :(

Waiting for you Limerick.. ;)

Sarah Hina said...

Aine, and thank you for telling me that! :)

(no offense to your sisters, but I'm certain they needed it more than you :P)

I'm so glad your mom gave you that sense of security and profound comfort. And I know you've passed that gift along to your own girls.

We moms are something else, huh? ;)

Aniket, a "wicked Dell XPS" just doesn't roll off the ol' Macbook tongue. :P

And nope, no teases here! Maybe you confused me with Jaye from the Clarity of Night contest? Her book is due out soon. I, regrettably, must wait until early 2010.

Until then, I blog. And eat popcorn while watching you and Jennifer slug it out. ;)

(psst--you're so dead...)

Aniket said...

Gosh, I used to believe you were all sweet and kind and "wicked" was just your other side.

Now due to the more recent turn of events, I am more and more inclined to believe that you are out and out wicked, and sweet is just your other side. :-)

I've found my new target now. :-)

You wont stop blogging once your book is out would you? Don't you dare forget us, once you make it big.

Sarah Hina said...

Aniket, I doubt I'll ever stop blogging, though I may have to cut down on the frequency of posts, once I start a new novel in earnest. I really do enjoy this medium too much! And all the friends I've made. :)

Oh, and no targets here. McGonagall wouldn't stand for it. ;)

Aniket said...

That works for me just fine. :-)
I'll take you up on your word.

Jennifer said...

The blog must go on! (At least a little bit. Like Cat, we'll let you pare down but not disappear. ;))

Sarah Hina said...

You guys will never get rid of me!!

Murmurs will become the cockroach of the blogosphere. :)

Aniket said...

Haha... "cockroch".. lolz!! Well you can't ever get rid of 'em! :-)

Karen said...

I truly believe that a mother's love is like no other. Anywhere. Ever.

Beautiful scene of love.

Sarah Hina said...

Karen, as a child I didn't appreciate it as much as I should have (which is normal, of course). As a mom, I know its potential is boundless.

Thank you for the warm thoughts. :)

Chris Eldin said...

This is beautiful, Sarah. I imagined an older you talking to a younger you... That may not be at all what you intended, but it's what I felt.

Sarah Hina said...

Chris, I actually love your perspective. I think we all need to be our own mothers every once in awhile.

Thank you, dear friend.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Sarah - this is one of the most touching pieces I have read. It is sentimental and moving, without being sappy. Thank you for this, dear Sarah. You are a fantastic writer - a purveyor of beautiful stories!

Sarah Hina said...

K, I'm so happy this touched you so deeply. And yes, there is an important distinction between a sincere, realistic emotional union, and sappy emotionalism. Thank you for letting me know that I kept on the right side of that line. :)

I always appreciate your reactions, K. Maybe because I hold you in such high esteem as a writer, too.

coffeeismypoison said...

I love ur blog...came here from Aniket's blog...
this was a particularly touching story...mother's...are like no one else alive.
Am going to follow ur blog...will u pls give me ur opinions on mine? I'd appreciate it...